Project 2012: Day 28
Here’s a common family scenario:
“Honey, will you hang the washing for me please?”
“Sure.”
Then later, when the washing is not hung out, an inevitable fight ensues. There’s an urban myth that the catalyst for most divorces is the argument that ensues from not taking out the garbage (who knew).
You find it almost impossible to pinpoint the source of the fight. If you do even remember being asked, which in the overwhelming information overload of the day, is perilous at best.
If you’re the one doing the asking though, you remember the interaction vividly.
The issue here isn’t the content of the request, or even the way it’s asked. Rather the implicit assumption that was overlooked. Let’s try it again:
“Honey, could you hang the washing for me in a minute (this morning, once you’re done etc) please?”
“Sure, as soon as I’ve finished reading the paper (watching this program, finishing this report etc)”
By respecting that your partner has an agenda of their own, and seeking to fit in with that, you’re far more likely to influence them and get the job done. Anything else is treating them as a subordinate.
Of course as the requestee you can help here too. Don’t just say “yes” but highlight that you’re doing something, and suggest a time that is good:
“Honey, will you hang the washing for me please?”
“Sure, when would you like me to do that? I’m just finishing this article, and need to run an errand.”
“When,” such a small word, but will save you a ton of grief.
Happy Wife, Happy Life
or to be a little more equitable
Happy Spouse, Happy House
